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OkCupid.com, the dating service, has released interesting analytics from 500,000 first contacts from their service, the analytics released clearly demonstrate a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself online. While OkCupid has released the details, don’t freak out about the privacy concerns, as they have very clearly addressed them here.

OkCupid.com looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant ( remember, for First Contacts)

Below are the key rules ( from OkCupid findings) about what you must and what you must not say in a first contact message for a dating prospect.Rules hold for message sent outside OkCupid’s application as well. Essentially, these rules hold for any online medium.

1.) Get your grammar and sentence formation right.

Essentially, NetSpeak, Bad Grammar, Poor Spellings are huge turn-offs. As a rule, don’t use stupid slangs for the first contact message. It clearly shows low levels of emotion maturity and doesn’t go well with those who don’t know you.

As per the analytic report, its ok to include “haha”, “lol”, “hehe” etc as people like a sense of humour andyou need to be casual to convey genuine laughter. So, it’s okay to laugh, but keep the rest of your message grammatical and punctuated.

2.) Don’t talk about the Looks and Physical Compliments

You are still sending just the first contact offer / email. Don’t type out words like you are gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy. While people ( read “ladies”) do want to hear them, they don’t want to hear all this in the first contact email.

The analytic report also focuses on the usage of word “pretty” as both an adjective as well as an adverb. As per the results of the analysis, when used as an adverb, it actually does very well, but as pretty’s uses become more clearly about looks, reply rates decline sharply.

3.) Be Creative, Use and Unusual Greeting.

As they say “First impression is the last impression“. Come up with an unusual salutation. Its smarter to use no traditional salutation at all and just into whatever you have to say than to start with hi.The more informal standard greetings: how’s it going, what’s up, and howdy all did very well.

4.) Bring up specific interests, they work

Specific interests and things that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to get set for a connection. The below graph is only about the specific “niche” words used.

As per OkCupid, Even more effective are phrases that engage the reader’s own interests, or show you’ve read their profile. ( like “you mention” , “good taste”, “curious what”, “noticed that” )

5.) Atheist’s have a better chance

Well, you must have thought the other way but the numbers tell their own story. As per the report, Atheists have a better chance of getting a handle on their first contact email and dates.

6.) If you’re a guy, be self-effacing

While many dating articles or self help tips advice men to be confident and masculine in their approach, but from what the numbers speak, hemming and hawing works well online. Awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages.

While hemming and hawing and being a little mumble might work in terms of getting a reply for the first contact email, as a man, you must be careful, with not letting the appearance of vulnerability become the appearance of sweaty desperation.

The above tips and numbers are adapted from a report released by OkCupid.com. Read the complete report on their blog here.

What is your view about the above mentioned facts? Do you have any other hacks for those writing their first contact email to help them get a reply back? If yes, please comment below.

Also Read: [Communication] Effective Communication Matters in Business

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